Crazy Jack
The Prince's Proposal
Oh, Princess! I shall ride all the horses myself.
— Oh, wow! I'm so excited! But why would a prince who rides want to marry me?
Well, you're a princess. All these jewels, this palace, this fortune will be yours, won't they?
— Ah, I asked him not to say that. — Oh, how romantic!
The Princess's Refusal
And yes, my princess, I ask for your hand in marriage.
— Ha ha ha! Only my hand? Does that mean the rest can stay single?
Absolutely. Uh, pardon? Uh, Princess, this is the moment you say yes.
— This is the moment you hear my melodious voice saying: No! — No! Wait a minute! No!
The King's Displeasure
Oh, Hazel, you are the King's daughter!
— You can just say I'm your daughter, Dad. It's so easy to remember.
Ah, I don't know what to do with you anymore. You must marry someone. You've met so many young noblemen.
— Oh, Dad, I don't want to marry someone who wants to marry the crown. I want to marry someone who wants to marry me, who likes me just as I am, who makes me laugh. I'm tired of following your rules. Rules for marriage, for going out, for talking, for sitting! Ah!
The Princess's Wish
But that's how princesses must be!
— And that's not all! These young noblemen you bring here are so precious. I want someone who is simple and honest, who is innocent like a child, a pure soul, and most importantly, who isn't ashamed to be himself. I feel trapped here, Dad. I want someone who is funny and who makes me dance.
Oh, then I'll have to find you a clown!
The King's Announcement
Ah, Sir Duncan, call the next suitor.
— Let's see. Uh, uh, my apologies, Your Majesty, but that was it. The Princess has seen all the suitors.
Pardon? How can that be?
— Well, I wonder the same, Your Majesty. After all, she's been receiving suitors for over a month. — Oh, I liked your humor this time, Duncan. — Ha ha ha! It's my pleasure, Princess. Would you like to hear a joke? I'm quite a funny fellow.
All Noble Suitors Rejected
Uh, what? Uh, oh, no, no. Let's, let's focus on the main problem. Who else do we call now if all the suitors have been rejected?
— Uh, I'm afraid the position remains open for commoners.
A Chance for Commoners
Oh, dear me! What else must happen now? Very well then, Duncan, that's it, commoners!
The Royal Proclamation
Attention! The Princess has rejected all noble suitors. Now is the time for commoners to come to the palace to take her test themselves. Note: only the educated and well-mannered will be allowed through the gate. Tomorrow, the Princess will choose her husband. Next town, please!
The Hemmingway Family
Did you hear that? This is a magical moment! Imagine the fortune we'll have if the Princess chooses one of you. Both my sons are educated and well-mannered by none other than me!
— Oh, of course, Dad. Education, you said. I know the laws of accounting with my eyes closed. — And I know Latin as I know any other language. — I also know how to sew. Sensitive and handsome. Keep that in mind.
Oh, absolutely! Both my sons are handsome without a doubt.
The Brothers' Qualities
Let's get you ready. By tomorrow night, one of you will surely be the Princess's husband.
— Wee! Take me to the moon! — Maybe you didn't understand me. To the moon, I said! But it's fun this way too. Come back!
Preparations for the Palace
Oh, my beautiful boys! Go fetch the Princess.
— Yes, Dad. Come on, Eric! — Oh, my suit! — Oh, I'm going to teach you a lesson for that! — Oh, where are my brothers going? Somewhere special?
I'm glad you noticed. I look like I've dressed for something special, don't I?
— Ha ha! No, I'm asking because your hair looks funny.
Jack Left Behind
Oh, you're ruining my suit! We'll be late for the palace.
— Oh, oh! Why to the palace? Tell me!
Jack, let us go! We don't want you to ruin our day.
— No! First tell me! Come on! I'm your brother, aren't I?
Jack Excluded
Oh dear! Yes, you are. That's why you need to give up and let your brothers win the Princess's heart. She's choosing her husband today. Get down now!
— Ha, let's go, Eric! — Goodbye, boys! — Oh, Dad, let me go too! Please! Please!
Jack Wants to Participate
For what?
— To win the Princess's heart! Let me win it! Let me win it!
It's a metaphor, you silly goose! You don't actually have to win her heart. She has to choose you.
— But she will choose me. Don't you always say I need to calm down, don't you?
A Metaphor and Permission
Mentally, I meant.
— Please, Dad, let me go!
Ah, fine! But get off my feet.
The Brothers' Strategy
Duncan, do you think I should start sewing when I enter the palace?
— No, brother, that's your ace in the hole. Don't show all your secrets right from the start. Begin with the laws of accounting. That will impress her.
Jack's Rotten Fruit
Ha ha! Hello! Oh, a fruit! Just what I need!
— Oh, I see you've learned to prepare your own dinner, brother. Bravo! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Jack's Gift
Oh, how funny you are! No, no. This is for my future wife, the Princess!
— What? What? You're coming to the palace? — Oh, of course! That's where the Princess lives. Isn't it? — And you want to give her that? A rotten fruit? — Well, it's not nice to go to the palace empty-handed.
Uh, yes. A rotten fruit would be a wonderful gift. You're doing exactly what you should. Come on, brother, let's not be late.
Jack's Broken Shoe
Brothers, look what I found!
— Oh, not again! Oh, not again! Look! — Bah! Keep that disgusting thing away from me! — Mud, mud, what's in your head?
Jack's Mud
Well, you never know. Maybe I'll need it for something.
— Oh, yes, the Princess might need a broken shoe, though, in case she loses her brand new and expensive ones. — Did you hear that? I hadn't thought of that. He's so smart! But not for long. I'm going to look for something else.
Brothers, look what I have! — Oh, not again! Oh, not again! Look! — Bah! Keep that disgusting thing away from me! Mud, mud, what's in your head? — Well, you never know. Maybe I'll need it for something.
The Brothers Abandon Jack
Oh, let's go, brother, before anyone sees us with him.
— Oh! Then we're racing! Ha! — Oh, dear! Look at that. Stay put!
Eric Rejected
What? I'm educated!
— Ah, ah! Your shoes are dirty! You may leave! Next!
Eric's Fate
Ha! La la la la la la la la la!
The Princess's Question to Hans
Perfect! Now, tell me, why do you think you are suitable to be my husband?
— I am a man, and you are a woman.
Hans's Answer
Oh, how good of you to clarify that for me! I was thinking of growing a beard soon. And, is that it? You wouldn't be interested in wealth, would you?
— Oh, but what is a king without wealth? I mean, your father will die one day, won't he?
The Furious King
What? Leave at once!
— Oh, no! Dad, don't you want to know what I think of him?
Hans Rejected
Uh, yes, sure. What do you think of him?
— No! — No! What? No! Is it necessary?
Hans's Fate
Anyone who is refused goes down the river!
The Latin Test
Next is Master Hans Hemmingway. Among his many talents, he speaks the Latin language.
— Very well. Can you recite a poem in Latin for me?
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
— Well, I don't speak Latin like Master Hans here. But I guess that's not Latin, is it? — Ah, well, uh, uh, let's not, uh... — Do you speak any other foreign language? — Uh, uh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...
Hans Fails
Oh, blah blah blah blah blah! How romantic! Guards! Next!
— No! No! Ego meum bracas ire ad minigo!
What did he say? Was that a poem?
— Uh, Princess, he said he's about to wet himself. — Ugh! Throw him out this instant!
Hans Thrown into the River
No, no, no, no, no! My hair, my suit! No!
The Princess's Boredom
Ah, I'm bored. Can I go for a walk?
— Uh, no, my dear. There are so many more waiting. Next!
Eric, the Accountant
Next is Master Eric Hemmingway. He is Master Hans Hemmingway's brother and is skilled in the laws of accounting.
— Oh, oh, oh, the laws. The laws of accounting. It's important to keep accounts. A... — What? Ah, I'm bored already! Next!
Eric Thrown into the River
No, wait! I don't know how to swim! But I know how to sew! Let me sew!
— At least give me a raft! This is murder! — Oh, be quiet! The water isn't that deep!
Jack's Appearance
— Oh, hello, brother! What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to... — Jack, help me!
What's going on here? Guards! Catch them!
— Oh, sorry, brother! I have to go! — Wait, Jack, no!
Guards! Catch them!
— Guards! No!
Jack and the Princess
Who are you?
— Oh, hello! I'm Jack. You have such a beautiful dress. Who designed it? Would you like to dance with me, lady? — Oh, absolutely! — Oh, I'm having so much fun! This is great!
The Princess's Decision
Oh dear! Who are you? Get out of the palace this instant!
— No, wait, Dad! I have something to say.
The Princess's Choice
I have made my choice. I will marry him.
Jack's Realization
— Ha ha ha! Yes! No! You're beautiful, but I came to see the Princess. I'm very, very sorry. — Look around! Who do you think I am? — Oh, you're the Princess! I've fallen in love with the Princess! Well, I'll be! — Yes, you'll be.
The Wedding
Oh, you'll regret this!
— Ah, well, servants, prepare for the wedding! My daughter has finally chosen her husband!
The Moral of the Story
Did you get that, Hans? Well, I'll be! He was very honest, actually. We always thought Jack was crazy. Well, isn't he? Isn't he? Maybe he's crazy to us, but that doesn't mean he's crazy to everyone. Everyone else looks at us differently. It's called perception, brother. Jack was never ashamed of himself.
Conclusion
That's the best way, I tell you. When we love ourselves, we finally learn to live. Ha! Let's get out of the water. I'm going broke!
